my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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