People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
