Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize
