Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
