yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Randomize
