Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
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