4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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