you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
