What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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