We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
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