My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
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