listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Randomize
