Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
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