No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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