I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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