Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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