apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize