My room smells like vodka and shame
He uses pillows to masturbate.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone shattered a urinal.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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