they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
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