i'm home, then i'll come over
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
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Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck