Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
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stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
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She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.