So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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