She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night