Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.