We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.