I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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