I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Randomize
