you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
