Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Watching her eat just hurts me
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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