I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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