big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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