so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
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