people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
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