Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
