Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
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