worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
