wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Randomize
