broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Randomize
