I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
