Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
