the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Randomize
