I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
