I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
