Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I wish i was in the wii world.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
