I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
