Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
