haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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