Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
