a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
That was an excessively violent trivia night
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
