you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Randomize
