DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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