are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
