Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
