dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Randomize
