We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
