when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
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