My sheets look like a crime scene.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I want to be your penis for a week.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
