Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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