Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
