what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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