Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
